Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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