Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
