So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
