I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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