What did we do last night that was yellow?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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