Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
