Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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