I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We are two peas in an std pod
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
