I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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