Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
