I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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