As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
