I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize