Michael Bay diarrhea
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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