I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
