I just saw a hot homeless man
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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