We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
