dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my vag is so smooth its legendary
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
