Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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