I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
