so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
