One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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