i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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