You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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