I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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