I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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