Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
