I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
