you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I supernannyed him into submission
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
