Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
