Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
