ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
