Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
