im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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