I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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