dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
