we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are we still banned from the library?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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