I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
