You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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