Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
