Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
