Princesses don't give blow jobs
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
