i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
