trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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