never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
