Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
