Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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