whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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