Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
