According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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