i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
