butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
