Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sext me about skeletons
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
