Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
