I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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