Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
