What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
