It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
