my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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