well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
