I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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