I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
