Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
