How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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