Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
