You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
