Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
