I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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