Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The uberlube is also flammable
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
