Ambien. No doubt about it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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