So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
