I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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