The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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