The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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