Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
