I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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