Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
two words: eviction party
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
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