He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
