nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
one might say we're banned from that church
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
