You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
