It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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